It All Starts/Ends Today

Today is my fresh start. I'm turning 30 in less than 5 months and I want to be better in my 30's than I have been in my 20's. I'm tired of hating my body. I'm tired of feeling undesirable. I'm tired of feeling like people who think I'm attractive are either crazy or lying to my face. I'm tired of wondering if I'm not getting jobs because I'm overweight (and therefore ugly in the eyes of directors). I'm sure that my self esteem issues run far deeper than just my weight, but if I could eliminate weight as the primary stressor, maybe I could begin to deal with my issues in a more healthy manner. I want to be better. I want to look good in my eventual wedding/engagement photos. I want to be a healthy vessel for eventually carrying children. I want to set healthy habits in place so that I can pass them on to my progeny. And now is the time.

Fit By 30

I'm turning 30 this year, which is weird. I feel like, at 30, you're supposed to solidly reside in Adult Land, and I feel like a part-time resident at best. Like, I'm the child who lives somewhere else and occasionally comes to visit her parents and friends in Adult Land. In preparation for this birthday, I'm trying to get several things in line.

1. My house-keeping skills. It's no great secret that I am wont to let the dishes stay in the sink too long or to let the laundry pile up or to let my desk and entry table get cluttered. But that stops now. I don't expect this to fix itself instantaneously because Rome wasn't built in a day, but so far, I'm off to a pretty good start.

2. My career. This is a tough one. Just stay tuned.

3. My health. I have never, ever truly been in good shape, but that changes this year. I've kicked things off well in the month of January. I'm down 10 pounds (probably mostly the dreaded Holiday Bloat, but it's gone nonetheless), and I'm almost done with my latest run training undertaking, which means I'll be running 10K in just a couple of weeks. I have a lot more work to do, but the progress I've made thus far is very encouraging. I am under no illusions that I will do this well every month, but I came out of the gate with a bang, so hopefully I can keep some momentum.

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

I've been thinking about my body a lot lately. Well, really, I've been thinking about bodies in general. I've been spending a lot of time out at my neighborhood's pool, so I've seen pretty much every type of body wearing only swimsuits which, let's face it, are not forgiving types of garments. Even if you have a great body, it's all on display in a swimsuit.

That being said, I feel like I'm making some progress with my self-image. I know I'm overweight, but I'm in the weight loss process and having some success. For instance, I'm almost down a notch on my belt. I bought a swimsuit recently that shows slightly more skin than I've been comfortable with in the past. I don't totally loathe the reflection that stares back at me every day.

I've found myself wondering how thin I need to get before I feel comfortable wearing a bikini. I've seen some girls at the pool who are my size (maybe slightly smaller) wearing them. I am so glad for them that they have the confidence and are comfortable enough in their skin to wear them. However, I am not there. I will get there, but I'm not there yet. But what is the line? At what point do I look in the mirror and say, "You know what? I think I'll put on a bikini today." Is it when I've achieved a certain pants size? Is it when I've lost a specific amount of weight? Is it when I start to see definition in my abs? I don't know what that point is, but I'm so excited to eventually get there.

Today's photo comes to you from my babysitting gig.

Run Through The Jungle

I went jogging with Wes this evening. It was a little like being in a jungle because A) Wes doesn't know the best routes through the neighborhood yet and we kept running in spots where there was low-hanging foliage. He'll learn, though. B) It rained on us. I kept thinking of Jumanji and the monsoon. 

I learned something about myself, though. I'm really mean to myself when I run alone. I'm judgy and I get angry when I can't make it as far or as fast as I wish I could. Then I beat myself up afterward when my run doesn't go as well as planned. But I didn't do that tonight. I let Wes take the lead, I followed willingly, I took it easy, and you know what? I felt great at the end. We didn't go as far or cover as much distance as I do on my own, but who cares? I burned a few calories, I worked out with my beau, and I made my body just a little better. 

And now I can eat a little bigger dinner tonight.

(I'm growing out my eyebrows. Can you tell?)

Are you asking for a CHALLEEEEEEEEEEEEEENGE?!?!

Some friends and I are participating in a Summer Slim-Down Challenge. You know the drill. We all check in with each other once a week to weigh in and at the end, whoever loses the most weight wins a prize. The additional attention now put on my fitness by other people has really given me the extra motivation I needed. I don't care if I win or anything. (I probably wouldn't accept a prize even if I were to win, because I'm the administrator of the whole she-bang.) But just the fact that others are passing judgement on my eating and exercising habits keeps me countin' those calories.

As far as running goes, I've been doing pretty well here lately. I'm on week 5 of 9 in my 5K to 10K training. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm already thinking about how to start training for a half-marathon.

Today's picture comes to you from my babysitting job. Check out my cute pigtail buns.

Slow and Steady

Today, while I was running, I saw a turtle! Well, I think it was really more of a tortoise. Honestly, I don't know that much about breeds of shelled reptiles. But this sucker was huge! He was probably about the size of a dinner plate and remarkably tall for a turtle. He was just sitting on the sidewalk and I had to run into the grass to avoid him, because, frankly, he looked a little mean, like I probably didn't want to tangle with him. 

My run went terribly. I was supposed to run for 10 minutes, walk for 1, run for 30, walk for 2, then run for 10 more. I made it through the first 10 okay, then started on the 20. I had my left ankle/foot wrapped in an Ace bandage since I injured myself running the other day, and about 5 minutes into my 20 minutes run, it was causing my foot to cramp like crazy. So I stopped for a minute to re-wrap it, then started running again, but I could just never get my momentum back. I did two or three more stretches of running for a couple of minutes, but never did any more longer runs. At the end of my run, I felt really bad about myself. I had all these thoughts running through my head like, "Jeez, Melody, why can't you do this anymore? Maybe you should just give up and get fat. Why are you even trying?" 

And then I though about that turtle. 

That turtle moves so slowly. That turtle can only cover short distances at a time. But that turtle keeps on truckin'. He doesn't let anyone or anything stand in his way. I mean, I ran into that grass so as not to throw off his groove. He is determined to keep going regardless. 

And that is how I shall be henceforth. I shall be like that turtle.

(Today's photo comes to you from my couch.)

Keep On Stepping

This past weekend, I finally ran my first 5K. It was about time! I had registered for two races before, but wasn't able to run them for various reasons. But I finally officially did one! M two friends and I ran Color Me Rad. It was freezing cold, we got covered in colored cornstarch, and it started raining just before we were done running, so we had to walk a mile back to our car in the cold rain, BUT we did it!

So what now, you ask? Well, I started a 10K training program on Monday. I imagine that's the next step. It's supposed to have me running 10K in 9 weeks. I guess after that, the only thing to do is go for a half-marathon. And that's my New Year's Resolution, anyway, to be able to run 13.1 miles by the end of the year. I'm feeling pretty positive about that whole thing.

PS, my picture today comes to you from the classroom at the school where I teach music classes. That's how the children make me feel.