After the 30 days were up, I kind of went a little crazy. I had, like, a week and a half of just eating whatever the heck I wanted. I've had several more lapses since then. Admittedly, it's hard to eat well when you're hanging out with your ridiculous, southern family who encourages you to eat infant-sized burritos smothered in queso and wash it down with a giant cookies and cream milkshake. But, after all, they don't make my decisions for me.
So anyway, after this past weekend, I'm for real back to it. I did pretty well last week, but I just came through a wedding this weekend, plus Father's Day, during which I had some self-control issues. But those things also spurred me on, and here's why: perhaps it's my recent fall to the communists. (If you don't get that reference, please, please, PLEASE watch the video below. For that matter, watch this whole show. I'm pretty sure it will change your life.) But something has made me take everything REALLY personally for the last few days. Examples. You want examples. Okay. After you watch the video.
1. I saw a bunch of my college buddies this weekend, which was WONDERFUL. I love them and miss them so much. It was like a breath of fresh air. But we were all talking about how we've changed since college. Some have gotten married or engaged, some have fancy grad degrees, some are moving to different countries. And some have lost weight. Some of us were joking about how our boyfriends have made us fat, but I looked around and, really, I'm the only one who looks any fatter. (Now, one sweet friend assured me that I look the same, but the thing is, I lost a lot of weight right after college, and now I've gained it all back. Plus some.) I don't want to be the Fat Friend. Not that I think my friends would ever think of me that way, but I see it.
2. Wes and I were talking about running. As you probably know, I've been participating in the Couch To 5K training program, running increasing distances three times a week until I can run for 30 minutes at a time. And I've been stuck on week 4 of this challenge for... well, quite some time. I haven't been able to get past jogging for 5 minutes. Five minutes. It doesn't seem like that much time, but when you've never run before in your life, it's a major hurdle. Anyway, Wes was talking about getting back into running so we can do the Color Run together in October. But he said we probably wouldn't want to train together at first. I said, "Why, you don't think you can jog for five minutes? Can't keep up with me?" To which he replied, "Just the opposite, actually." Now, I know what he meant. He's run before. He used to run all the time, and he feels like it wouldn't be that hard for him to get back into the swing of it. But what that meant to me is that people (Wes included) have the impression that I'm out of shape. I mean, I AM out of shape, but nobody ever wants people to THINK they're out of shape, especially the person who's supposed to be attracted to them.
3. My parents have lost a ton of weight. My mother is now thinner than I am. And I feel like that shouldn't be the case. Of course I want my mother to be healthy and happy. I just feel like I'm supposed to be "The Skinny One" in the family, and now I'm not.
I know that these are all really ridiculous things to think, but they've made me want to do better. I'm kicking it into high gear now. I FINALLY jogged for five whole minutes this morning (plus three other bursts of three minutes apiece), so the training is finally moving along. And I've stocked my freezer with Lean Cuisines for my lunches this week. So now, I just have to stick to it.
