It All Starts/Ends Today

Today is my fresh start. I'm turning 30 in less than 5 months and I want to be better in my 30's than I have been in my 20's. I'm tired of hating my body. I'm tired of feeling undesirable. I'm tired of feeling like people who think I'm attractive are either crazy or lying to my face. I'm tired of wondering if I'm not getting jobs because I'm overweight (and therefore ugly in the eyes of directors). I'm sure that my self esteem issues run far deeper than just my weight, but if I could eliminate weight as the primary stressor, maybe I could begin to deal with my issues in a more healthy manner. I want to be better. I want to look good in my eventual wedding/engagement photos. I want to be a healthy vessel for eventually carrying children. I want to set healthy habits in place so that I can pass them on to my progeny. And now is the time.

Fit By 30

I'm turning 30 this year, which is weird. I feel like, at 30, you're supposed to solidly reside in Adult Land, and I feel like a part-time resident at best. Like, I'm the child who lives somewhere else and occasionally comes to visit her parents and friends in Adult Land. In preparation for this birthday, I'm trying to get several things in line.

1. My house-keeping skills. It's no great secret that I am wont to let the dishes stay in the sink too long or to let the laundry pile up or to let my desk and entry table get cluttered. But that stops now. I don't expect this to fix itself instantaneously because Rome wasn't built in a day, but so far, I'm off to a pretty good start.

2. My career. This is a tough one. Just stay tuned.

3. My health. I have never, ever truly been in good shape, but that changes this year. I've kicked things off well in the month of January. I'm down 10 pounds (probably mostly the dreaded Holiday Bloat, but it's gone nonetheless), and I'm almost done with my latest run training undertaking, which means I'll be running 10K in just a couple of weeks. I have a lot more work to do, but the progress I've made thus far is very encouraging. I am under no illusions that I will do this well every month, but I came out of the gate with a bang, so hopefully I can keep some momentum.

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

I've been thinking about my body a lot lately. Well, really, I've been thinking about bodies in general. I've been spending a lot of time out at my neighborhood's pool, so I've seen pretty much every type of body wearing only swimsuits which, let's face it, are not forgiving types of garments. Even if you have a great body, it's all on display in a swimsuit.

That being said, I feel like I'm making some progress with my self-image. I know I'm overweight, but I'm in the weight loss process and having some success. For instance, I'm almost down a notch on my belt. I bought a swimsuit recently that shows slightly more skin than I've been comfortable with in the past. I don't totally loathe the reflection that stares back at me every day.

I've found myself wondering how thin I need to get before I feel comfortable wearing a bikini. I've seen some girls at the pool who are my size (maybe slightly smaller) wearing them. I am so glad for them that they have the confidence and are comfortable enough in their skin to wear them. However, I am not there. I will get there, but I'm not there yet. But what is the line? At what point do I look in the mirror and say, "You know what? I think I'll put on a bikini today." Is it when I've achieved a certain pants size? Is it when I've lost a specific amount of weight? Is it when I start to see definition in my abs? I don't know what that point is, but I'm so excited to eventually get there.

Today's photo comes to you from my babysitting gig.

Run Through The Jungle

I went jogging with Wes this evening. It was a little like being in a jungle because A) Wes doesn't know the best routes through the neighborhood yet and we kept running in spots where there was low-hanging foliage. He'll learn, though. B) It rained on us. I kept thinking of Jumanji and the monsoon. 

I learned something about myself, though. I'm really mean to myself when I run alone. I'm judgy and I get angry when I can't make it as far or as fast as I wish I could. Then I beat myself up afterward when my run doesn't go as well as planned. But I didn't do that tonight. I let Wes take the lead, I followed willingly, I took it easy, and you know what? I felt great at the end. We didn't go as far or cover as much distance as I do on my own, but who cares? I burned a few calories, I worked out with my beau, and I made my body just a little better. 

And now I can eat a little bigger dinner tonight.

(I'm growing out my eyebrows. Can you tell?)

Are you asking for a CHALLEEEEEEEEEEEEEENGE?!?!

Some friends and I are participating in a Summer Slim-Down Challenge. You know the drill. We all check in with each other once a week to weigh in and at the end, whoever loses the most weight wins a prize. The additional attention now put on my fitness by other people has really given me the extra motivation I needed. I don't care if I win or anything. (I probably wouldn't accept a prize even if I were to win, because I'm the administrator of the whole she-bang.) But just the fact that others are passing judgement on my eating and exercising habits keeps me countin' those calories.

As far as running goes, I've been doing pretty well here lately. I'm on week 5 of 9 in my 5K to 10K training. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm already thinking about how to start training for a half-marathon.

Today's picture comes to you from my babysitting job. Check out my cute pigtail buns.

Slow and Steady

Today, while I was running, I saw a turtle! Well, I think it was really more of a tortoise. Honestly, I don't know that much about breeds of shelled reptiles. But this sucker was huge! He was probably about the size of a dinner plate and remarkably tall for a turtle. He was just sitting on the sidewalk and I had to run into the grass to avoid him, because, frankly, he looked a little mean, like I probably didn't want to tangle with him. 

My run went terribly. I was supposed to run for 10 minutes, walk for 1, run for 30, walk for 2, then run for 10 more. I made it through the first 10 okay, then started on the 20. I had my left ankle/foot wrapped in an Ace bandage since I injured myself running the other day, and about 5 minutes into my 20 minutes run, it was causing my foot to cramp like crazy. So I stopped for a minute to re-wrap it, then started running again, but I could just never get my momentum back. I did two or three more stretches of running for a couple of minutes, but never did any more longer runs. At the end of my run, I felt really bad about myself. I had all these thoughts running through my head like, "Jeez, Melody, why can't you do this anymore? Maybe you should just give up and get fat. Why are you even trying?" 

And then I though about that turtle. 

That turtle moves so slowly. That turtle can only cover short distances at a time. But that turtle keeps on truckin'. He doesn't let anyone or anything stand in his way. I mean, I ran into that grass so as not to throw off his groove. He is determined to keep going regardless. 

And that is how I shall be henceforth. I shall be like that turtle.

(Today's photo comes to you from my couch.)

Keep On Stepping

This past weekend, I finally ran my first 5K. It was about time! I had registered for two races before, but wasn't able to run them for various reasons. But I finally officially did one! M two friends and I ran Color Me Rad. It was freezing cold, we got covered in colored cornstarch, and it started raining just before we were done running, so we had to walk a mile back to our car in the cold rain, BUT we did it!

So what now, you ask? Well, I started a 10K training program on Monday. I imagine that's the next step. It's supposed to have me running 10K in 9 weeks. I guess after that, the only thing to do is go for a half-marathon. And that's my New Year's Resolution, anyway, to be able to run 13.1 miles by the end of the year. I'm feeling pretty positive about that whole thing.

PS, my picture today comes to you from the classroom at the school where I teach music classes. That's how the children make me feel.

My Best Friend's Wedding

One of my very best friends is getting married in a little under a month, leaving me as one of the few remaining unmarried people in my circle of friends. And while, OBVIOUSLY, my friend will be the focus of the day, I want to look good for this. I bought an amazing dress before Thanksgiving with the intention of wearing it to this wedding, but I've put back on a few pounds since then. So now the goal is to get back in this dress quick, fast, and in a hurry. Stay tuned.

Some Basic Truths

I am fat. I am overweight. It's just the truth. Am I morbidly obese? No. Are people grossed out when they look at me? No. (At least I don't think so...) But am I fat? Yes.

But here's the thing. I love the basic shape of my body. Buried underneath several layers of fat is a beautiful woman. I don't have much of a butt or big hips, but there's a gentle curve there that I think is pretty appealing. I have a great rack, just to be honest. My waist nips in the way it should, and my arms and legs are slender.

What's that quotation? “The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed--it is a process of elimination.” That's what I'm doing. I'm an artist, tediously sculpting the vision in my head of what my body will be.

One month down...

So, I'm really bad at blogging. Maybe my commitment shouldn't be to blog every week, but just to blog regularly. Would that be acceptable?

Now. Food and fitness. I've done really badly lately. Firstly, I find that it's nearly impossible to be as good as I should be during the last week or so of an opera production. It's not a great excuse, but alas. It. Is. Tough. Secondly, it's also really difficult to be good when you're sick. I was sick last week and I barely moved off of the couch. I also pretty much ate whatever I wanted, all the while claiming "Oh, it'll make me feel better." But you know what? It mostly didn't make me feel better at all. True, when your throat is sore, ice cream dulls the pain. And you know what else? It ups your body's mucous production. So I don't know that it's actually worth it.

BUT.

This is a new week. I got up yesterday morning and ran. It was TOUGH after basically a week of stagnate lifestyle, but I did it. And I ate pretty well. And this morning, I got up and went to a brand new yoga class. I'm going to try to start going to yoga twice a week. That's some serious strength training. Three runs a week and two yoga classes. I feel like that's a pretty good routine. I'll keep updating about how it goes.

P.S. This entry's picture comes to you from the waiting area of the Toyota dealership. Fun.

Small Sacrifices

So here we are. Two weeks into January. Can't believe that blew by so fast. So fast, in fact, that I totally ignored my responsibility to blog last week. Ah, well. I guess I'll officially start my year off now.

So, the first couple of weeks of being fit (-ish(again(-ish))) have been... okay, I guess. I have, in fact taken off a few of my holiday pounds and I'm approximately back down to where I was around Thanksgiving. So that's good. Unfortunately, my "holiday" weight gain started a little before Halloween. Hey, Halloween's a holiday, right? And since it was in the middle of the week, I had to celebrate it the weekend before, right? In Gatlinburg with my family, right? Oh, that's not how/when everyone kicked off their holiday season? Sigh...

It's hard to get back on track. It's hard to give up the things you love in favor of the things you know are good for you. It's hard to convince yourself that the things that are good for you ARE the things you love. But I'm getting there. For me right now, moderation is the name of the game, and here are some commitments I've made to aid in said moderations:

-Soda has been one of my biggest addictions/hinderances and, as such, is now only allowed once a week. And I think I'm gonna go for real soda vs. diet. I think I'd rather have the calories in my body than the chemicals.
-Two glasses of wine a week. They may be together in one sitting or spread out during the week.
-Fried foods as sparingly as possible. It's nearly impossible to totally avoid the occasional stop through the fast food drive-thru (especially during opera dress week, as this week is), but I shall do my best.
-Eat at home as often as possible. This is a tough one for me because I like the experience of going out and eating exciting food and people-watching and just being out of the house. This is a problem I know I have. But I also enjoy the approximately-weekly, large-scale grocery shopping trip. We have a great farmer's market every other week, plus we're not that far from an Earth Fare AND a Whole Foods, so it's not hard to find good groceries.

This is just the start. This is also just the food side of things. Exercise is something I'm still working on. Maybe that will be the topic of my post next week. Stay fresh, y'all.

P.S. I think I'll add a picture from where I happen to be blogging for the given week. Enjoy.

Another Auld Lang Syne

Well, it's that time of year again. The time when we all go back and evaluate the last year of our lives and make plans for a better and brighter year ahead. I have to say, I did okay with my resolutions from last year. I only had four of them, so it wasn't hard to get them at least partially right. And largely, I have the same resolutions this year. Here they are.

1. Finish losing this weight. I lost a big chunk of it this year, but I've still got a long way to go. Also, the holiday season took a nice little toll on my waistline, so I've got to undo some damage.

2. This one goes along with the first one. I did pretty well with running last year. I worked myself up to being able to run a 5K. That is something I never thought I'd be able to do. This year, the goal is to keep working and be able to run a half-marathon by year's end. In fact, I want to register for the 2014 Disney Princess Half-Marathon. Registration will be before the end of 2013, so I've got to feel reasonably sure I'll be able to do it.

3. Also in conjunction with the whole weight loss bit, I'm going to make a commitment to blog once a week about the journey. I know at least one of my friend is doing the same, so hopefully that will hold me accountable.

4. I flossed more regularly last year. I'd like to do it even more this year. My goal is at least five times a week.

5. Keep on singing! I did some good work in the last year, but I've got to get myself out there this year. More hard work, more practice, more applications sent out come audition season.

Happy new year!!!

The Fat Friend

Well, I kind of failed when it came to blogging all those 30 Day Challenge entries, didn't I? I did them all in my ink-and-paper journal; they just never quite made it to the world wide web. Oh, well. And anyway, the end result of it all was a little anti-climactic. I guess maybe I didn't follow the plan closely enough. I ate after 9 a lot of nights. Couldn't avoid it. I ate sweets, though only when I had the calories to spare. I don't know. I mean, I lost weight. Moreover, I lost inches. Just not a lot. Like, 5 pounds. I was hoping for more.

After the 30 days were up, I kind of went a little crazy. I had, like, a week and a half of just eating whatever the heck I wanted. I've had several more lapses since then. Admittedly, it's hard to eat well when you're hanging out with your ridiculous, southern family who encourages you to eat infant-sized burritos smothered in queso and wash it down with a giant cookies and cream milkshake. But, after all, they don't make my decisions for me.

So anyway, after this past weekend, I'm for real back to it. I did pretty well last week, but I just came through a wedding this weekend, plus Father's Day, during which I had some self-control issues. But those things also spurred me on, and here's why: perhaps it's my recent fall to the communists. (If you don't get that reference, please, please, PLEASE watch the video below. For that matter, watch this whole show. I'm pretty sure it will change your life.) But something has made me take everything REALLY personally for the last few days. Examples. You want examples. Okay. After you watch the video.

1. I saw a bunch of my college buddies this weekend, which was WONDERFUL. I love them and miss them so much. It was like a breath of fresh air. But we were all talking about how we've changed since college. Some have gotten married or engaged, some have fancy grad degrees, some are moving to different countries. And some have lost weight. Some of us were joking about how our boyfriends have made us fat, but I looked around and, really, I'm the only one who looks any fatter. (Now, one sweet friend assured me that I look the same, but the thing is, I lost a lot of weight right after college, and now I've gained it all back. Plus some.) I don't want to be the Fat Friend. Not that I think my friends would ever think of me that way, but I see it.

2. Wes and I were talking about running. As you probably know, I've been participating in the Couch To 5K training program, running increasing distances three times a week until I can run for 30 minutes at a time. And I've been stuck on week 4 of this challenge for... well, quite some time. I haven't been able to get past jogging for 5 minutes. Five minutes. It doesn't seem like that much time, but when you've never run before in your life, it's a major hurdle. Anyway, Wes was talking about getting back into running so we can do the Color Run together in October. But he said we probably wouldn't want to train together at first. I said, "Why, you don't think you can jog for five minutes? Can't keep up with me?" To which he replied, "Just the opposite, actually." Now, I know what he meant. He's run before. He used to run all the time, and he feels like it wouldn't be that hard for him to get back into the swing of it. But what that meant to me is that people (Wes included) have the impression that I'm out of shape. I mean, I AM out of shape, but nobody ever wants people to THINK they're out of shape, especially the person who's supposed to be attracted to them.

3. My parents have lost a ton of weight. My mother is now thinner than I am. And I feel like that shouldn't be the case. Of course I want my mother to be healthy and happy. I just feel like I'm supposed to be "The Skinny One" in the family, and now I'm not.

I know that these are all really ridiculous things to think, but they've made me want to do better. I'm kicking it into high gear now. I FINALLY jogged for five whole minutes this morning (plus three other bursts of three minutes apiece), so the training is finally moving along. And I've stocked my freezer with Lean Cuisines for my lunches this week. So now, I just have to stick to it.

Day 19: A Life-Long Quest

How long have you wanted to lose weight and how long have you been trying?


I've pretty much wanted to lose weight for my entire adult life. As long as I can remember being aware of what my body looks like, I've wanted to lose weight. And I've tried several times. Many times. So many times. This particular bout of weight loss began about a week before I began this challenge. I didn't have a specific plan during that week, so I just cut back on foods I knew were bad for me.

Day 18: Daydreaming

When you picture yourself reaching your ultimate goal weight, what do you picture? Explain where you are, what you are doing, how you are feeling and what you are wearing?


Well, basically, life is incredible at my imagined goal weight. I can imagine several different scenarios. I can see myself at the pool in a bikini, or at least looking really good in a one-piece. I can see myself onstage singing in an unbelievable gown. I can see myself running in a 5K or even a half-marathon at Disney World. And I'm happy! I can't wait!

Day 17: Support System

Does anyone know that you are trying to lose weight? If so, what do they think about it? Are they supportive or non-supportive? How does that make you feel?


At this point, I think pretty much everybody knows. I'm blogging daily (or almost daily) and I'm actively counting calories at every meal. I don't think it escapes anyone's noticing. Everyone has been really supportive. My parents are also trying to lose weight, so my mom and I have been swapping recipes and whatnot. It's pretty great to know that people are rooting for me. They care about me and want the best for me.

Day 16: Skinny Jeans

What kind of clothes do you wear when you are at your thinnest weight? (If you have never been there, what kind WOULD you wear?)


At my thinnest, I wore really cute clothes. Skinny jeans, cute little tops, adorable dresses. And I looked good in them. When you're thin, you have more options of clothes that are flattering, so you can be more expressive. And I feel much more confident when I'm expressing myself in some artistic way. I can't wait to get even thinner than I was, so that I can wear even CUTER clothes. Look out world!

Day 15: Fat Pants

What kind of clothes do you wear when you are at your heaviest weight? Explain why and how you feel in them.


When I'm my heaviest, I don't dress particularly well. I'm a girl who likes to be stylish, but it's harder when you're fat. Clothes just aren't as flattering. I have to wear looser pants and less form-fitting tops. And I feel unattractive in them. Because I'm just NOT as attractive in them. But I think that just sort of goes with the territory.

Day 14: Just a Hate Relationship

What is your least favorite exercise to do? Explain why. Now come up with ways you could make that exercise more fun. Example: running- for every mile you run, you get to buy yourself a small reward.


I don't know exactly what my least favorite exercise would be, because I haven't tried that many different exercises. I know that I really hate going to the gym, though. I hate how public it is and how sterile the environment is. But I have no idea how to make that more fun. I'm kind of at a loss on this one.

Day 13: A Love/Hate Relationship

What is your favorite exercise to do? Explain why.


I'm going to be honest. I hate to exercise. I mean, HATE. There are few things I hate doing more than exercising. But it must be done. I'm realizing that more and more. I've basically lived a sedentary life heretofore, but that's not an option anymore. So I've started running. I never thought I'd even remotely enjoy it, but I kind of do. I think just running with no direction wouldn't be fun, but I've been using the Couch to 5K program to keep me motivated. It's kind of a fun challenge.